Monday, December 14, 2009
Thursday, December 10, 2009
At this time of year everyone is thinking about next year. About next year's resolutions. I think we could get so much more accomplished in 2010, if we focused on the things we had done well in 2009.
For example, one of my 2009 goals was to lose weight. I did lose weight - fourteen pounds! But it isn't all the weight I wanted to lose. But that loss is a good step to continuing on that path for next year. Here's another accomplishment - I revamped my resume and included actual achievements made at each company I've worked for. Boy, am I a valuable commodity! That one process was a wonderful way to show myself just how much I've accomplished this past year.
Take a look at what you've accomplished this year and see how good it feels!
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
Raymond Carver’s autobiographical poem, “What the Doctor Said.”
He said it doesn’t look good
he said it looks bad in fact real bad
he said I counted thirty-two of them on one lung before
I quit counting them
I said I’m glad I wouldn’t want to know
about any more being there than that
he said are you a religious man do you kneel down
in forest groves and let yourself ask for help
when you come to a waterfall
mist blowing against your face and arms
do you stop and ask for understanding at those moments
I said not yet but I intend to start today
he said I’m real sorry he said
I wish I had some other kind of news to give you
I said Amen and he said something else
I didn’t catch and not knowing what else to do
and not wanting him to have to repeat it
and me to have to fully digest it
I just looked at him
for a minute and he looked back it was then
I jumped up and shook hands with this man who’d just given me
something no one else on earth had ever given me
I may have even thanked him habit being so strong
Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
I admit it. I've been afraid. I am afraid - still. Afraid to try something. Afraid to start something. I didn't exactly have great examples of success in my short little life. But one thing about the Internet, there are a lot of other people who are afraid, who have been afraid, that are getting on with things. So, why not me? I deserve these small minutes of the day to write about whatever I want to.
My world is not going to stop and crumble if I stop looking for a job for just a few minutes. I am frantic that not having a better paying (and challenging) job in the next month or so will just send my little world plunging off into nowhereland. This whole blog thing is kind of therapuetic. Perhaps getting on with my blog will get me somewhere.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
I've been divorced for nearly a year now. I keep getting asked when I will start dating. I have no desire whatsoever to date right now. Until last night.
I don't remember my dreams that often. However, last night I dreamt I found my soulmate. And I woke up yearning to be with him.
My soulmate was introduced to me by ex-husband, Hector, who could have been my soulmate had he made remarkable personality changes! In my dream, I met my soulmate in Spain, but it felt like present day (wartorn?) Europe. My son was with me. He liked and trusted this man as did Hector. I felt so much trust and connection with this person unlike anything I've ever imagined. The trust I felt with this man was so great that I allowed him to do things for me, which is a huge step for me. I miss this man and yearn to be with him. I yearn to dream.
What do you yearn for?
Friday, July 31, 2009
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Right before my 42nd birthday, I had my son. We had tried for a very long time and he was a true miracle. I savor every moment with him, even when he's cranky and especially when I'm cranky. I often wonder how much time I will have with him having had him so late in my life.
My grandmother turned 92 years old a few days ago. She is now a great, great grandmother. She was a grandmother at 47. I was a mother at 42. Her oldest son, my father, is in his 70s. I wonder if she ever thought she would see my father become a grandfather, much less a great-grandfather.
When my son is my current age (45), I will be 87. Will he have children by then? Will he even want children? I hope so.
When he was first born, I took tons of photos. No really, TONS. Somewhere in the thousands. Besides probably blinding him with my flash, I wasn't really seeing him. In my futile attempt to capture those fleeting moments, I was losing those moments. My son is three now. And I don't take as many picutres as before. They are only in the hundreds. But the moments are still fleeting.
My three year old has his time with Daddy down pat. He knows that once Daddy gets here for his visit, Mommy goes to work and goes bye-bye. And then they head off to McDonald's for food and play. He and I don't go to McDonald's, that's just for him and Daddy. It is their time.
Since I'm job hunting any free moment is spent searching and applying jobs. I have a job. It's a great job. With very little money, no security and no future. I took this job based on two incomes. Since Daddy and Mommy don't live together any more, I need more income. Hopefully I'll find a job in my previous better, paying field and I can go to my new job and tell this one to go bye-bye.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Are you tired? I am. I'm not tired of work or being a mom or having to go grocery shopping. Or anything like that. I'm tired of not doing the things I should be doing.
I'm just plain fed up - which is part of my problem. I snack and eat. And then eat and snack. And then have ANOTHER glass of sweet tea. I mean, I am Southerner and all. Sweet tea is like mother's milk.
And that whole sweating thing. I'm not really all about that. Southern women don't sweat. We prespire with a cool glass of sweet tea in hand. I know I NEED to exercise. But when do any of us really have time to exercise? I am a single mom with a quickly-growing toddler. I want to spend every moment playing with him, watching him learn, secretly hoping he'll stay a toddler until he's thirty. But I should really be taking thirty minutes to take care of myself. The time I spend taking care of myself for thirty minutes will give back to my son tenfold.
I can already feel my knees creaking and aching when I try to get up from the floor after a game of cars. Scrambling across the carpet to race our cars is all part of the fun. But my back. Geeees! Where did my back go? And when did it leave me? My three year old son is always begging, "Momma, hold please!" How can I resist not picking him up and carrying him as he snuggles his sweet face in my neck. He doesn't need to walk, not just yet, I think. I can carry him.
Nevertheless, my friends, tonight I'll set my alarm thirty minutes earlier. I'll spend thirty minutes with myself in the morning walking on the treadmill. I know in the long run my son will thank me for it, if not for any reason but that I'll be practicing walking how to carry him further as I pick up my glass of cool, sweet tea.
How will you spend your thirty minutes?
Saturday, May 23, 2009
Monday, May 18, 2009
Okay. So, I'm here.
Now, what do I do?
I want to quickly type all the things I've been meaning to do, to write about, all the little notes I've written to myself, so I won't forget one precious thing. But, I've done enough for the moment.
So, I'll be back shortly.